Monday, September 24, 2007

Wedding, Drinking, & a Gay Bar


I promised to report back about our 2nd Cincinnati wedding and, so, here I am to let you know how much fun we had. First, I have to say the bride and groom looked wonderful and they each seemed to be enjoying themselves so much! I always enjoy observing the newly married couple basking in the happy glow of spending time with family and friends, knowing they are there to support the bride and groom's decision to spend their lives together! Second, it was super-fun to spend time with Urban Cowboy's friends and their wives/girlfriends ... everyone is so nice and the conversation is never boring. That said, it should be noted that lawyers are a bit crazier at weddings than people working in education, social work, and various corporate settings and at this wedding no one took their shirts off or hijacked a microphone from the live band. The groom DID surprise the bride with his very own rendition of "Do-wha-Ditty", complete with him playing the guitar! He can't actually play the guitar or sing very well but he still wowed the crowd! I think he might have practiced. (heehee) Also, this groom is famous for having a few drinks and then doing this silly bird dance which everyone loves and always gets a good laugh out of ... the bride decided to join him in his bird dance antics (possibly a once-in-a-lifetime moment) and we were entertained as the two of them did the groom's bird dance in the middle of a big circle of dancers!

What happened after the wedding? We went to the after-hours party, of course. I just need to say this about going to bars and clubs in Cincinatti/Kentucky: they play terrible music! I mean, in the good ol' city of the Burning River we do not have to be subjected to songs such as TOXIC by one B. Spears or WHO LET THE DOGS OUT by that band no one ever heard from again. Now, I like a classic club/dance song as much as the next person (Baby Got Back comes to mind) but no one should get wildly excited and run to the dance floor when TOXIC comes on at a club...quite the opposite, actually. Oh, and another general observation about bars/clubs in Cincitucky: I think bras might be discouraged in that region. I say this because it seems very popular for girls to dress up in nice clothes (maybe outdated but still decent) and go out all without a bra. I think this is fine if you have the boobies to pull this off (note: there is one dress I don't wear a bra with because it is cut in such a way to hold me in place and not make me look like a skank) BUT, overall, most girls with cups larger than a B- don't have perfect boobies which haven't been affected by gravity and they should wear some kind of bra! (Getting off my soapbox, now)

Oh, and Urban Cowboy was certifiably, undeniably drunk by then end of the night. To that end I have a brief funny story that may be TMI for some of you. Here goes: SO, Urban Cowboy and I are in the "no-baby zone" (you know, we're actively trying to NOT have a baby). Being in the "no-baby zone" means we have protected sex and I'm not any kind of birth control for a lot of reasons but #1 being I didn't have health insurance for 3 years. Instead, we use condoms. Well, we were in a big hurry packing up and trying to get out of the house to make the 4 hour drive to Cincinnati and in the rush we forgot to pack condoms. This seemed incredibly unfortunate to both of us considering we were staying a very nice hotel and lots of undistracted opportunity. Consequently, he was drunk and I was tipsy and we were looking to get a little action (hey, we're newly married - this is what we're supposed to do!) and knew we couldn't without protection. Urban Cowboy says to me, "I bet the front desk of this really nice hotel has them for sale ... let's ask" but he's kind-of shy about this stuff, even when he is really drunk, so I have to go up to the desk to ask. They don't sell them but the concierge informs me of a gay bar, called Simon Says, which does sell condoms and it's located right around the corner. Two important things occur at this moment: 1) the bride & groom arrive to check in and overhear us discussing the directions to the gay bar with the concierge and proceed to ply us with questions about why we might be going that direction. The bride is a bit drunk thinks that we're having a secret after-hours party without them and wants to come to! Luckily, I was drunk enough, and I'm me, and I was able to tell her our reason without embarrassment ... until she very loudly told everyone in the lobby how happy she was to see a newly-wed couple going to such lengths to have sweet, blissful newly-wed sex. (SIGH) so much for sublety right. 2) Urban Cowboy has made the condom quest his mission for the night and he will not rest without going to get them. You ask, did we ever get condoms? Yes. They're by distributed for free at this bar but we gave a bit of money because the bartender said donations were encouraged. You ask, did we have sweet, blissful newly-wed sex that night? No. Urban Cowboy passed out as soon as we got back to our hotel room.

Ok, so what happened next? Cincinnati hosts a large Oktoberfest celebration which happened to be located directly outside our hotel. We woke up on Sunday morning and decided to not hurry back home and enjoy the festival for a few hours. While we were there we heard fun German music, Urban Cowboy tried a local micro-brew, and we saw people wearing Chicken Hats in honor of Cincinnati proudly claiming to be the home of the world's largest chicken dance. (If you go all the way to the bottom of the wikipedia page, you can listen to the chicken dance!)

That's all for now, folks!

3 comments:

yllwdaisies said...

1- I can't believe they played such crap music! What a buzzkill that musta been.

2- There is an exception to your "over B-cup needs bras" rule: fake boobies. It's like they're filled w/ helium!

3- ah-hahahahaHA! I can't believe he passed out! I almost spit out my water when I read that. I mean, "I'm sorry".

Urban Cowgirl said...

RE 3 -
Yeah, it is funny (in a frustrating kind of way). Give me an A for effort trying to get him to wake up and get frisky!
Guess what kind of condoms the gay bar was distributing - nope, not some crazy glow-in-the-dark novelty condoms but Lifestyles Ultra Lubricated. Heehee - I guess they know what their customers need... you know, 'cause they need extra lube, generally speaking. :-) Oops, I'm blushing now.

yllwdaisies said...

I knew 3 girls in college that had lifestyles break on them. That was like 10 years ago though.