Monday, June 30, 2008

On the Mend

So, you guys know a bit about some of my negative experiences with Urban Cowboy's family. We haven't gotten along (me & them) too much for the past, oh, year. I think it's really been longer than that but overt conflict began to occur about a year ago and in October the sh*t really hit the fan and our relations were severely strained after that. Well, you can imagine that not having even an "ok" relationship with Urban Cowboy's family is very stressful for our relationship and was the cause of many arguments and temper tantrums over the past year. He just couldn't see why I was so upset with them and why I was so opposed to being part of their world. I couldn't see why he couldn't just leave me alone and let me handle it the way I wanted! Let's just say it was an exercise that fully demonstrated our personality differences and how we perceive and react to life and it was not the kind of exercise you wish to repeat over and over (which we have been for all this time!). Finally, both of us were just mentally and emotionally exhausted from the whole situation and I was feeling very down about us and me and a whole host of related things. I decided I needed to take action and do something to make things better between me and Urban Cowboy's family because, for better or worse (as I was reminded many times by several people), they're my family now too. Well, I haven't exactly done all I feel I need to do at this point but I have managed to take steps in the right direction. On Father's Day we invited his family over for dinner and spent a pleasant afternoon visiting with them. Last week, we stopped by their house to check on the progress of their kitchen remodel, yesterday we invited Urban Cowboy's brother for dinner, and tonight we're providing dinner for their family because they have no stove and have been eating fast food for 3 days (yuck!). Right now we're all pretending like I haven't purposely distanced myself from them for the past 12 months and things seem to be going ok. I had a very long, heart-to-heart talk, with my pastor which followed many very long, heart-to-heart talks with my dear friend, and have basically been convinced that sometimes you have to fake it 'til you make it and it's ok to bend a little because you love someone and want them to be happy. I'm still me, though, and I still have to do something to give all of us the opportunity to acknowledge my year-long sabbatical from Urban Cowboy's family because I'm definitely not willing to "just sweep it all under the rug"... I mean I can only bend so far. I love Urban Cowboy and want nothing less than his happiness so this is what I will do. I'll fake it and I'll bend a little and, eventually, we'll all believe it's never been any different. For now, though, I'm satisfied with my tiny steps toward rebuilding a relationship with his family and I know he appreciates the effort I'm making on his behalf. It's cliche to say this but, honestly, it's like a great weight has been lifted from our hearts. All is good in the Urban Cowgirl household and it is so nice to experience this sense of peace we're currently feeling.

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