Monday, October 01, 2007

Word to the wise

When I was growing up, my mom and grandma always told me to watch how a guy treats his mother because it would be a good indicator of how he treats his wife. Well, my first boyfriend had a very love-hate relationship with his mother. Generally speaking, he loved her because she gave him life, food, and shelter until he was 18 but he hated her because she didn't do it unconditionally. Therefore, he couldn't unconditionally love another human being. He just didn't know how. It took me a very long, hurtful time to discover that. Now, my husband has a very love-love-love relationship with his mother. She raised her sons to worship her and hold her in their hearts above all others. He is very close with both his parents and genuinely enjoys spending time with them and they seem to take a genunine interest in his life. Based on my mom and grandma's wisdom, this is exactly the type of man I should seek for my life mate because, certainly, his respect and adoration for his mother will be transferred to me, his wife. WRONG.
If a man has a love-love-love relationship with his mother he will only ever love-love-love his mother. His wife does not stand a chance against that kind of relationship and will always be put in second place to his mother. His wife will always be "wrong" in light of what his mother has taught him or tells him regarding his wife and her actions and general personality. So, I've reached the conclusion that, if I were to do it all over again, I would seek a man who had a like-respect relationship with his mother. They would love each other but he would like her and respect the person she is without the almost god-like adoration of the love-love-love relationship and without conditions attached as in the love-hate relationship.

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